Sunday, September 4, 2011

Mars Needs Moms

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Mars Needs Moms – 2 out of 5

Remember when Disney hit its slump? The time when they weren’t the profitable, and slightly less evil, company that they are now? Remember how this drought forced the empire built by a mouse to pull out all stops and take a long swig of the creative juice and we got such classics as The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin as a result? Well, I can only hope that the amount of crap Disney has been putting out there (Pixar not included) is only leading up to some spectacular. Until then, we have to deal with terrible pieces of work and their latest is Mars Needs Moms.

"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

Spectacular mo-cap (motion capture) animation is not enough to distract the viewer from just how truly awful this movie is. The story is simple: Martians need regular human mothers so they kidnap these mommies, put their memories and instincts into nanny robots and then discard the bodies. Simple enough but it can’t fill up a feature length film so the filmmakers fill it with fluff, a complete lack of jokes, little-to-no plot and over-the-top drama that comes off more as trying to hard than genuine. And, to make matters worse, it seems the director told actor Dan Fogler that annoying is the way he should take his role.

Milo is watching "Two Girls, One Cup" on that little eye patch thing in his helmet.

Like I previously stated, the story in Mars Needs Moms is incredibly simple and there’s just not enough content to fill time. Normally when this happens, films will develop the characters so you actually care about them but not this one. Instead, they decided to make 90% of the film involve these characters falling and screaming. This seems to make sense if Disney’s current business model is, “Fuck it, people will watch anything.” It’s this type of approach that doesn’t make it surprising to learn that this movie was a box office bomb. I’m talking Hiroshima at the box office (too soon?). Seth Green who provided the body for the motion capture portion of the main child out to rescue his mother Milo should count himself lucky that he was re-dubbed out of the film. Then again, if his voice had remained, it might have bumped up my rating a notch or two because right now, the quality animation is the only thing that works in this otherwise forgettable, pass-this-one-by-you-ain’t-missing-much film.

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