Friday, September 30, 2011

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night - 2 out of 5

Since everything werewolf, vampire and zombie is absorbed by the masses of our society, any mediocre property that contains one, some or all of those elements, it gets bought up, phoned in and sold to the people who find themselves acting like the creatures in these films. The majority of the time, these products don't take their stories or even the actual making of process seriously and what we get is...well, lame. See Twilight or nearly every piece of zombie fiction ever made for reference--Night of the Living Dead, The Walking Dead and other zombie-filled media up to those standards don't count. So, is it really a surprise that this Italian comic book was made into a movie? Not really because those Italians love their zombie movies--by the way, their zombie movies are some of those poorly made ones that are made only for gore sake and they put little emphasis on story or character. Actually, they put no emphasis on the gore either because it always looks fake. Go figure.

"The doctor makes me wear these."

So, with little to do with the comic book, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night is about a private investigator who, unbeknownst to the general public, protects the living dead from not only being discovered by the living but possibly getting killed by them as well. Located in the bayou of New Orleans, Dylan stumbles upon a murder of a man who kills the undead and then, stumbling some more, finds a plot to unleash the most powerful undead creature to ever walk the planet. Dylan does a lot of stumbling, his equilibrium is off I think.

But Dylan Dog's equilibrium isn't the only thing off. In fact, the whole movie is off.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night is basically a sloppy mess. The story, in the hands of more competent writers and a director, could have been witty, charming and entertaining but what we get is a steaming pile of mush that is further muddled by absolutely piss poor editing that has the bad habit of throwing the viewer violently from scene to scene with bad narration to try and ease the shock. Further insult is lashed upon the audience as Brandon Routh, the man who nearly killed Superman, stars as Dylan and his performance mirrors that of someone who just woke up from a NyQuil coma. And I won't even get into the bad one-liners he spouts off during the entire film--but that's more of the writer's fault than anything.

When Glamor Shots goes Goth.

Things only get worse in the cast as professional wrestler Kurt Angle plays a werewolf. Now, I appreciate what pro wrestlers do in the ring, there is some real athletic prowess going on there but when it comes to acting, not many of them have what it takes. Seeing a pro wrestler in a movie is parallel to a musician trying to do the same thing--you know they are out of their element and you wish they didn't try to branch out.

Believe it or not, Dylan is punching a werewolf. To further suspend disbelief, that werewolf is pro wrestler Kurt Angle. Apparently when you change to a beast of the night, you lose muscle mass.

Finally, it seems the filmmakers felt this movie needed their own Jar Jar Binks and it came in the form of Dylan's assistant--who unfortunately turns into a zombie. Not only did Dog's best friend become a member of the undead, it seems that such a transition means one becomes an annoying ass who never shuts up. The only real light in the shadowy cast filled with a dreadful lack of talent is a small part played by Peter Stormare. His short scene was the only time real acting is seen and its presence only acts as evidence for how bad the movie is the rest of the time.

Peter Stormare's very short scene is the only good thing about this film.

Dylan Dog is filled with potential and could have been a truly funny and entertaining little film. However, an over abundance of bad acting, amateurish editing and makeup effects that look like they were obsolete in the early 90s, only goes to produce a sloppy, poorly put together movie that feels more like a waste of money--a waste of cash even if you illegally download it.

1 comment:

  1. Now I want to see this movie, just to see how bad it reallly is. And to see the little spot of good acting, lol.

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