Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'm Still Here

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

I'm Still Here
- 1 out of 5

In 2008, Joaquin Phoenix decided to pull an Andy Kaufman like stunt on the world and say he was going to quit acting and become a rapper, all the while Casey Affleck filmed the whole debacle for a documentary. The problem with this is that not a single fucking person in the world believed that this act was legit. When Kaufman trolled the world and the media, he was so convincing, he fooled them all. Joaquin's act was so devoid of sincerity, we all saw through the bullshit right away.

So, what did Joaquin and Casey's two years of "hard" work earn them? An hour and forty-five minute mockumentary that will bore the piss out of you. Alright, guys, I get it. You were trying to make commentary on how the media and the public treat celebrities but instead, what you created was a ungodly boring and utter piece of crap that isn't worth the plastic disc it was put on. The mockumentary wanders aimlessly, meandering like a blind man as it fails to entertain and captivate the audience. It was so bad, I had to fight to turn off the movie--it became a chore just to see it to the end. Ever fiber of my body wanted to get out of my recliner, walk over to my computer and check out what my friends were doing on Facebook or see what's going on at Reddit. Hell, I wanted to get up and clean my bathroom just to escape the torment that was this waste of time.

After the horror was over, all I could think of was how bad I felt for Casey Affleck nearly bankrupting himself to produce this piece of shit and that he needs to stick to his skills of being an actor (he is, after all, an amazing actor). I also realized that despite how much I USE to enjoy Joaquin Phoenix, I no longer want to see him on any TV screen, movie screen or even a computer screen. This may sound harsh but after watching this, I realized I want Phoenix to lose all his money, move to the mid-west and get a job at McDonalds making french fries as his name fades away into obscurity.

Honestly, if you choose to watch this, do so at your own risk. I highly suggest you get very drunk, smoke some weed, shoot up heroin or do any other kind of viewing enhancing drug because if you don't you'll be reaching for either the remote to turn this shit off or a razor to permanently end your torture.


  1. i haven't seen it yet*, last i saw of it is when he was on letterman, to which i can only say, if you are goign to go on letterman all "wacked out" on drugs, at least do it right like Farah Faucett or Crispin Glover

    *i say yet, reflecting that i might watch this in the future, but I think i probably have a better chance of slamming my balls in a car door for fun.
    At least I know that is real.

    Good review, bad movie

  2. Thank you but slamming your balls in a car door will actually make you feel something other than boredom. That's the only emotion you'll feel watching this.

  3. Watching Jaquin rap might make me cry
    does that count as an emotion?


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