***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!
Splice - 1 out of 5
From the very beginning of this movie to the very end, one question kept ringing through my head while I watched this movie about two rogue geneticist engineering a human/animal hybrid and that question was: Is this movie a joke or are they being serious?
And to be honest, after watching it, I still don't have an answer.
Right from the start of the movie it falls into the pit of silliness as it has an opening credit sequence that would make the director of a SyFy original film say, "that is just lame." But the silliness of this film doesn't stop there--Oh No, it continues as we are transported to a genetics lab called--and I wish I was joking--N.E.R.D (Nucleic Exchange Research & Development) and, apparently, they only hire hipster scientists in skinny jeans, emo haircuts and low-cut, V-neck tight t-shirts under their lab coats. The silliness is prevalent throughout the film including the oddest sex scene ever scene.
Whether or not this film was a satirical throw up of the sci-fi/thriller genre, the bad acting they put in it didn't help the film be entertaining. Adrian Brody leads the film as husband of the married bio-geneticist couple (another joke perhaps by the filmmakers?) and, it seems, that once you win an Academy Award, you no longer have to do quality because you already have your bragging rights. Halle Berry certainly proved that theory as she has taken every terrible script to come her way (Catwoman). Although it seems Brody is phoning his acting in (because we already know he can act) the real atrocity to watch is Sarah Polley (Dawn of the Dead) jump from one extreme to the next. One scene she is over-acting her head off and the next she seems to barely be trying.
When I first saw the trailer to this movie, my initial reaction was this film was a ripoff of Species. Then, when I started to watch it, I realized I was right. Only, instead of an alien/human hybrid that a group of experts have to put down after it escapes and graces us with some fantastic nudity by Natasha Hentridge, this movie gives us a human/animal hybrid that its creators are trying to protect--not kill--and then it gives us some disturbing nudity from the creature. I'll take Hentridge, thank you.
And then there was the creature...
There was nothing particularly wrong with its design--in fact, Dren (that's the name of the beast, nerd spelled backwards, perhaps another clue this movie is a parody?) is actually quite uniquely designed. But Dren is annoying. The sound effects used for Dren sound like the same sounds used for the female squirrel in Disney's classic The Sword in the Stone. If you remember the sound that squirrel makes, that's the sound you have to hear every second Dren is on screen. It gets to be too much and makes me wonder how Dren came be the only creature to ever exist that DOESN'T have a variety of sounds its voice can make. That alone should be a scientific discovery for the two geneticists in this film.
Even after watching this movie and reviewing it, I can't figure out if the filmmakers were intentionally making fun of the genre this film is representing. There's plenty of evidence to suggest they were. However, the one thing I did learn from this movie is it was a waste of my time as it followed the cliche rules of thrillers. One good thing about it, though...it did make me laugh at the absurdity of it all.