Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Frozen

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Frozen - 1 out of 5

I really wish the stranded survival horror movie would die. They're never any good and this one is particularly bad.

The premise is so flimsy and the filmmakers do everything they can to stretch out a movie that, at best, can only be a 20 minute short film, that they are somehow able to pan it out to the point it's going to snap. Honestly, an hour and a half of watching three completely unlikeable characters crying and yelling on a ski lift chair is too much.

The acting and dialogue is painfully bad. In fact, I haven't laughed as hard as I did in a long time when the female character is crying about how her pet is going to die because she won't be around to feed it. Her pathetic attempt at acting was just hilarious. And don't get me started on how terrible Iceman's acting was (yep, the kid who played Iceman in X-men was in this). It's like he was channeling Shia LaBeouf for this piece as he stutters and stammers through the first half of the movie. The other male character is the poor man's Zac Efron who, when not being a generic douchbag, he's a whiny crying baby that makes ones teeth clench as you watch him shamble aimlessly as he attempts to be convincing in his portrayal.

What was even more mystifying (and a lot of horror films are guilty of this) is the need to make you--the viewer--NOT want to sympathize with the characters because they are just plain assholes. And these characters were HUGE assholes. They were spoiled rich brats who talked down, right at the beginning of the movie, to one of the workers at the resort and insulting him about how little money he makes. Within the first ten minutes of the movie, I was screaming for their demise. So then, when the shit hit the fan and they were in danger, I didn't care about the trouble they were in, I just wanted them all dead because they deserved it. They were egotistical, stupid people that provided me, the viewer, with nothing. I didn't sympathize with them, in fact, they embodied everything I hate about people. Why do horror films do this? Why can't we have protagonists that I actually WANT to survive? Why is it in action films, they create characters that I come to love and then I'm heartbroken when they are killed off but this can't happen in horror films?

From a technical standpoint, this movie IS well made. The camera work, editing and lighting are all great but the director tries way toooooo hard to create tension when tension has no need to exist in the first place. For example, in the first ten minutes of the movie, there's a creepy music crescendo at every turn as, apparently, everything at this ski resort is supposed to promote fear. Every time a character turns around, the musical cues hit as the camera focuses on something about the lift, like rattling controls. The characters even seem to acknowledge these cues and, seemingly, break the fourth wall as they look at the thing the camera is focusing in on but then pay no attention to it. This little ploy to create tension happens so rapid-fire in the first moments of the movie, it actually becomes laughable.

The biggest crime this movie commits is how much it drags. After a scene concludes you will be horrified to discover that you still have a lot of movie to get through. Scenes drag and seem to go on and on as the film seems confused on what pace to follow. Should it be fast pace and hard-hitting like when the wolves are attacking or should it be slow going when two of the characters are discussing their love lives in order to forget the cold (another crime as this movie tries to trick you into believing these characters have depth and you should care about them)? This movie doesn't know, and the viewer pays for it.

This movie is a insult to the industry, especially since it calls itself a horror film and the only thing that scared me about it was the fact that someone put their hard earned money into having it made. This movie is one of those films that should have been aborted and the money that would have gone to making it gone to finding a cure for cancer.

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